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Movies

Sun, 01 Dec 2002 22:41:54 GMT

We went to the movie store last night. Spent an hour there, because we couldn't decide on anything. Anything I liked, he hated, and vice versa. We finally decided on Der Unhold, about a man who believes he's entered a fairytale as he helps build the Nazi empire.

A boy there loudly told his friends that the Blockbuster next door threw out a whole section of horror movies, because no one was renting them. What a shame.

For new movies, I want to see "Arafrat," "One Hour Photo," and "The Pianist" and...well, I can't think of anything else at the moment. Anyone have any movies they wish to recommend, new or old?

Visiting the white palace

Mon, 25 Nov 2002 05:57:55 GMT

"Are you feeling better," asked the roommate, eyebrow raised expecting me to already have taken the van home.
"Oh yeah, much much better. Turned out it was a kidney stone, and I had to go to the Emergency Room. They hooked me up to an IV to me &EVERYTHING while they were trying to figure out what it was. Spent seven hours there."
"What???"

Friday, I had woken to a sharp pain on my left side. Asked the roommate if she had some stomach medicine; checked, and no, then went to class. It didn't pass, it got worse, excruciatingly worse. Fearing that perhaps it was my appendix, I put on a sweater and coat over my dress and headed down the stairs, hand on side. Luckily, the campus health center is right next door to my dorm. I entered and the lady at the desk said matter-of-factly that all appointments today had been filled; looking up, noticing, decided I needed to go to the emergency room. Before they came; questioned and "warned" me that with "abdominal pain" they usually check to see if it is sex-related.

A couple of security officers drove me to the hospital which was much closer than I had realized. I was asked a couple questions about what was the problem, then ushered into another to answer questions: address?, do I have a will?, am I an organ donor?, am I religious?, (should I start to worry)? Thankfully before I had left the campus office, they had printed out my insurance information, because I don't know enough about it to reply to their inquires especially with a sharp pain at my side.

Finally that part was over and I could start getting help. Took me into the main room with four beds; curtains all around, hooked me up to a machine to measure my pulse, drew blood from the left arm, and then the right. Next stuck a needle into my left hand with vial collecting the blood. Watching it overfill, wondered how much they needed, it turned out they weren't collecting a sample from the hand. They were preparing to place the IV in. The doctor came in, and shook me saying he believed it was just excess water in the ovaries. It had calmed down, and then he had worsened it. Kept asking me throughout to rate the pain. Place covered in posters of smiley faces: 1 (smiling) to 10 (face twisted in pain) on the degree of pain.

On the other side was a black man later found out later to be a woman who started screaming, fuckthis &fuckthat once out of bed. Later a chubby boy with broken face after been tripped arrived. Waited. Did an ultra sound on me. Rubbed jelly-like substance on my stomach, and looked inside, saw black and white images of my innards on screen. Said I would need a full bladder to push the ovaries up to see them if the problem was with them. I had to go back to the room, and wait for the IV to fill me up.

Nurse came by. "You have to go yet?" "No" "Have you gone yet since you've arrived?" "No." "You've had at least two liters in you since I've arrived. At least, you're not going to be like one of those little old ladies when you're older who have to go 23 times a night." Later, I had to, but the test not needed a second time. I asked for a painkiller, talked, and then removed the IV, and released the liquid into there. Waited. Then, they did a cat-scan on my stomach (only thought they were for heads before). Put me in a wheelchair and pushed me along to the room. Don't breathe, breathe, don't breathe, breathe as the machine went across.

The woman seemed to be studying the results so I asked if she knew, and she replied she only takes the pictures. They had to send the results to Sinai in Baltimore. My mom asked if I could eat now. No, couldn't in case they had to rush me into surgery. Panicking, don't wish to be sliced open. More waiting. Found out it was a kidney stone. No surgery needed. It would pass through (hopefully). Removed the IV, skin like a newborn from all that water rushing through my veins.

My mother and boyfriend took me to a Chinese buffet afterward. I had been there seven hours with the last bite I had eaten the day before. Starving yet I could eat very little since I had been vomiting up water. Had a diet coke with my meal. "The doctor said you are suppose to avoid carbonated drinks," said he. My mother and I had both tuned out the doctor telling that I need to avoid carbonated drinks. After it passes, they're suppose to analyze it. If it's the most common type, I have to eat/drink less tea, green leafy vegetables, milk, and other supposedly good for you foods. Then again, every food probably has a negative consequence. People had once thought eggs, bacon and sun good for them, but they still are, and still bad too.

Video killed the Radio Star

Thu, 21 Nov 2002 00:54:19 GMT

Woke up late, missed class...the room smells like play-doh. I don't know if I'm hallucinating from too much sleep, or if someone is burning play-doh somewhere. I woke up hoping I would be alone today, and I turned finding my roommate packing her bag. She has a court case back home.

I spoke to Travis when he was doing his radio show a few nights back, and asked him (jokingly) to play Britney or N'sync.

Me: Or maybe Christina A. since she has "artistic integrity" now that she stopped wearing clothes proving she is no longer a teenybopper.
Me: By the way have you seen the grabs from that MTV thing that Christina did? The first time they showed it they didn't blur it well enough, and you could see her piercings.
Travis: I saw the clit and tit pics. What kind of show was that?
Me: I think she wanted to give something back to her younger fans
Travis: Funny.

I was glad I talked to him because afterward he said he would slip into the editor hat again if I wanted him to (yes yes), and sent me a extremely funny, tongue-in-cheek witty article he wrote on how to get your video on TRL. ("The main rule is not to expose the TRL viewers' limited intelligence, cultural ignorance, and unbridled contempt for art. Keep your videos within the realm of eye candy.")

As for me I got a "job." I wasn't looking, or wanting one for that matter and instead was presented one. I'm dead scared. I'm suppose to be a camera (wo)man. I instruct not do. I don't even know how to turn on that type of camera! How am I suppose to learn before March/April? I think I was picked because I'm a girl. He talked about how nice it will be to have a female perspective and how nice it will be to have another female in the room when they do the mirror scene. Nice, nice, nice, but it is nice to be around someone professional with this. I missed that.

Confess Your Secret

Mon, 18 Nov 2002 18:01:06 GMT

This has been going around LJ. People turn ON anonymous commenting (mine is already on) and turn OFF IP logging (I don't have it. Don't see the need for it) and then people post their confessions anonymously. I being the follower that I am have decided to give it a try.

I would like to this to be successful so if you may write down a confession ANONYMOUSLY (no posting under your LJ name please). Be silly or serious I don't care but please post, I want this to be successful. The point of this being is the opportunity to say things that you normally wouldn't say out of fear, guilt or shame or whatever emotion you have. I'll post too, perhaps, but being anonymous, you won't know if I have or not.

If I ever do have to turn on IP logging which I doubt I will note it here.

Another new Career Choice & Deletions

Thu, 14 Nov 2002 01:26:42 GMT

I've decided now that I wish to become a psychologist. I always pick a new profession every month or so and throw myself into it declaring that it is what I always wanted to be. About two months ago, I got about twenty psychology textbooks that someone was giving. It's absolutely fascinating dissecting how people think, their motivations, etc.

Don't worry though about me giving up a career in writing. This is just a passing fancy as all the rest were but I do profess a real interest in this. I think doing this is a coping mechanism when asked questions about how I'm suppose to support myself or find job on writing (steaming from mother) I just say, "no, I plan on being a ___" pretending that the writing is just the passing fancy instead. end of discussion. end of nagging. no headaches, no worries, no problems.

I just deleted a batch of journals from my friends list but almost all were journals that appeared to be abandoned or users' old journals after they switched. Correct me if I was wrong.

Writing

Fri, 01 Nov 2002 22:57:43 GMT

I think the greatest lesson I learned this year is, "you are not your art." When you view it as an extension of yourself you don't take chances. You don't open yourself up to changes. You take criticism personally. You associate yourself with it positive or negative. But if you dissociate yourself from it forcing it to become a separate entity, it's better for both you and it.

I started taking that approach this September and I feel my work has gotten better. Before if someone suggested a change I would be dead against it but now I consider and sometimes make it. Before if someone criticized something I did I took it to heart. Now I try to either a) shrug and move on if there's no advice or b) see if there's anything I learn from their advice.

I've written a lot of crap in the past and probably will in the future. But that's okay. As long as I learn from it. This is not a static process.

Today in Modernist Poetry we talked about Stevens and the teacher said that he reached his artistic maturity at 25 and before that almost all of his poems were trivial.

I'm 19. I'm not going to write the great American Novel or make the next American Beauty right now. A lot of people my age I've met will try to make something and if they feel it isn't on that level, they're a failure and then they stop. Or they'll just talk about something but never do anything about it or never finish it because they feel that won't be able to live up to expectations.

But you have to keep going. You can't stop. People give up too easily. I'm going to keep trying. If people don't try they never fail but then they never succeed either.

about me: random facts because i am bored right now

Mon, 21 Oct 2002 21:49:05 GMT

i read once in entertainment weekly that to find your porn name you take the name of your first pet as your first and the street you grew up on as your last. my porn name would be THORA BIRCH. (the cat's name was thor but he was a male and i a female so we would have to make the name feminine, wouldn't we?")

i really wish i could draw but i have no talent for it. i think drawing is a way for you to communicate what exactly you see in your mind. with writing, there are many interpretations to it and with film, you almost always can't bring the exact impression you have to life. there will always be some differences.

i have used artists in the past to draw pictures for me. i think of something in my mind and then communicate my vision and try to have them recreate it as i did with steve with the pictures.

i was baptized wearing pink. i'm sure that's symbolic in some way.

when i was younger i took ballet, tap, judo, computer, religion and paleontology classes outside my school

at my old college, i've been registered there since 1993. i'm only 19.

i'm an english major but i have no concept of grammar and the like but that's okay, i have my own editor who works for free even if it takes him forever to finally get to editing my works.

i feel a lot older than my age. i was one of those kids who knew everything. when i was five and my grandfather was sick, the ambulance people thought i was a midget and a doctor since i was telling them what was wrong with him and what they needed to do.

i feel i've become dumber as i've aged.

i don't think about that past. well, hardly ever. the only time you should remember the past is what to learn from it. i live in the present.

my friend emily and i were able to go to first tool show in five years in atlanta. she invited me months earlier to come down when they played NC and atlanta was the closest of the four shows they did during their mini tour. somehow she was able to get tickets from ticketmaster before the show sold out thirty seconds later. tickets were later selling for two grand. her father said we should sell ours to help pay for college. we didn't.

i'm scared of snakes, biscuit containers, snakes in toilets, the dark...actually, i'm not scared of snakes, just the idea of them biting me.

and i could go on and on, but my dorm room is overheated and i have to read lord of the flies and do a political paper on it if i want to go to the graveyard reading tonight. we're suppose to bring something spooky but i have nothing of the sort with me. oh well.

i don't want to work

Sun, 13 Oct 2002 05:17:35 GMT

I have no idea what to do once I graduate. Less than two years, it's not a long time. Do I go for graduate school or try to get a job? Do I try to make it as a writer or try the film route once again? Will being a English major provide me the opportunity to have a job where I don't have to say, “would you like fries with that?”

A friend once told me that you should match your job with something you love to do but everything I like would not make for a fitting job. I like swimming but I wouldn't be able to pull someone above the age of six out of the water. I like photography but don't have the talent to get paid for it. I like traveling but I can't think of anyone who would pay me good money to do so and besides if you do make your job something you love, doesn't it take the fun out of it?

I remember writing in an old journal about how it seems that most people I know don't work in their majors. For example, my friend, Mark was a biology major but now he works in the computer field. Is that because people pick majors based on future job possibilities (ie picking engineering over acting) and later can't stomach to work in a field they never had a real interest in or because they choose a major which didn't equate to finding actual work or both?

I am happy where I am now though. I am a full time student so I can get away with not working at the present moment. At my old school, it is a 2-year so there was no such thing as a English major there. It was “general studies with a concentration in English.” I was looking over a friend of mine's English 112 paper, it was on compare and contrast, and I thought to myself how glad I am to finally be able to take upper level English (it only went to the 200 level there) classes and not have to do boring work like that ever again. Hopefully.

Wed, 11 Sep 2002 19:39:19 GMT

i finally got my college id renewed today. it was a $15 dollar charge. the lady asked if i wanted to retake my picture. no, i said, it would be a hassle. she said, it's the same price either way so i shrugged and decided to retake it.

the first picture i didn't like. the second just caught my shoulder because i leaned to my right thinking she had already snapped the picture. the third one i decided to smile.

i thought i looked absolutely ridiculous with my picture blown up on the computer screen but when the card printed out, i thought i looked decent. sure i had the uncombed hair and shiny face of a college student who had stayed up to 3 am the night before only to get up early for modernist poetry but i had a pretty smile. i can't remember the last time i saw a picture of myself smiling.

i took my new card and headed to lunch. the food sucked as always. i would have eaten with alex had i had my card earlier. he went to the Sept 11 campus ceremony with me even though he hadn't planned on doing so. he said he thought it would be lame. i told him he didn't have to come if he didn't want to but he said if i was going he would too.

he ended up crying. many of the kids around us were crying too. i felt but didn't cry. my medieval literature teacher read a collection of poems regarding september 11. the college president read a speech littered with references to gettysburg and the greeks. at the end, someone played the piano and they placed a wretch on the center of the square. the people who were given roses earlier came up and laid them down one by one on it. it was pretty touching.

i know my old college where i'm still a part time student, is doing something too. i hope theirs is just as wonderful.

hello

Wed, 11 Sep 2002 18:55:54 GMT

This for the most part will be a friends only journal. Leave a note if you add me so I ~~can~~ ~~maybe~~ probably add you back.